Moving the Self-Worth Meter Inwards: A Guide to Self-Validation
Have you ever caught yourself worrying about what someone else thinks of you? It's so easy to get sucked into this thought pattern but it can undermine and erode at our sense of self-worth. The next time you find yourself caught up in these concerns, try turning inward instead of focusing on others' perspectives.
By relying on our self-worth and what we know to be true about ourselves, we build a stronger, more resilient sense of self. We often place the "meter" or measure of how we're doing outside of ourselves, based on others' perspectives. Let's practice moving this self-worth meter inwards, relying on our own values and feelings instead.
The Power of Self-Validation
When you notice these worries creeping in, pause and ask yourself:
Am I acting in accordance with my values?
How do I feel about myself in this moment/ in that situation?
Can I accept myself/my behaviour?
These questions shift your focus from external opinions to your own internal compass. This practice helps you rely on your self-worth and the truths you know about yourself, rather than seeking validation from others.
Moving the Self-Worth Meter Inwards
We often place the "meter" or measure of how we're doing outside of ourselves, basing it on others' perspectives, and external validation. This external measure can be unstable, unreliable and therefore risky. We can gain control over our sense of self through this practice. Instead, try to move the self-worth meter inward, relying on our own values and feelings.
Understanding and Appreciating Yourself
To strengthen your self-worth, it’s essential to build a deep understanding of who you are and what you appreciate about yourself. When you have a clear sense of your positive qualities, you can draw on this self-knowledge during moments of doubt.
Exercise: Identifying What You Like and Value About Yourself
To support you in building self-worth, try this exercise designed to help you identify and appreciate your positive qualities.
Set Aside Quiet Time: Find a quiet space where you can reflect without interruptions. Bring a journal or a piece of paper and a pen.
List Your Positive Qualities: Write down at least five things you like, value, or love about yourself. These can be traits, skills, or actions. For example:
I am a good listener.
I am creative.
I am kind to others.
I handle challenges with resilience.
I am dedicated to my personal growth.
Reflect on Your List: Take a moment to read through your list. Reflect on each quality and consider why it is important to you. How has it positively impacted your life or the lives of others?
Expand Your List: Aim to add at least one new quality to your list each week. This practice encourages continuous self-reflection and growth.
Create a Personal Mantra: Based on your list, create a mantra that you can recite when you feel your self-worth wavering. For example:
"I am creative, resilient, and kind. I value myself and my contributions."
"I recognize I'm feeling worried about being liked by this person right now AND I know I've acted kind, thoughtful, and in accordance with my values. I accept myself whether they do or not."
Practice Regularly: Make it a habit to review your list and recite your mantra regularly, especially during moments of self-doubt. I often recommend that my clients recite these mantras when they feel insecure or anxious about being liked by others. This mantra should affirm their inherent worth and qualities, regardless of external validation.
A mantra like this can be a powerful tool for reinforcing your self-worth. It helps you acknowledge your feelings while also affirming your positive qualities.
Try It Out!
By shifting the self-worth meter inwards and focusing on your own values and feelings, you can cultivate a stronger, more resilient sense of self. Regular self-reflection and positive affirmations can significantly enhance your self-worth and overall well-being.
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